1.4 | A Place in this World

to Read (
Words)
I don't know what I want, so don't ask me.
I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me, is the greatest opening line and something I relate to deeply. I struggled in childhood when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I struggle in adulthood when I ask myself what I want from life. How am I suppose to choose? I want a lot and at the same time nothing at all. I want to be great at embroidery but I also have this deep knowing that even if my skills develop to some desired level its also all so temporary in the grand scheme of things. What do I want to do with a life that is temporary?

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who struggles with the way I think. I know I’m not, but even though there are other people who think the way I do, I do feel alone, on my own, trapped in the brain I have. Knowing that I am just a girl who is attempting to find my own place in my own world is probably the healthiest perspective I have. I have to remind myself often that I simply showed up as a baby 34 years ago into a world already created. The systemic problems have already been deeply entrenched in the systems that make our world function. There have also already hero’s who have been brave enough to take a stand and make the world better for everyone. 

I know deeply that there isn’t really a perfect world for everyone, but I still believe so deeply that there could be a good world for everyone. The potential for that timeline to exist is just as possible as the current timeline that we currently inhabit. I feel like I am just a girl trying to find a way to be in the gap between how it is and the potential of what it could be? Sometimes my passion for discussing a better world feels like I am just just a girl on an impossible mission, but I am more than ready to fly towards a better reality. And while I love to dream big, maybe I need to remember that my small impact is just a simple ripple in a greater world. What I can do matters, and focusing on the people in my orbit is enough for now.
I still believe so deeply that there could be a good world for everyone. The potential for that timeline to exist is just as possible as the current timeline that we currently inhabit.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you are also just a girl (or person) trying to find a place in this world please share your thoughts in the comments below so that myself and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.3 | Teardrops on my Guitar

to Read (
Words)
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.
High school feels like a whole different lifetime for me at this point. All the inside jokes and nights I thought I’d never forget are now blurred around the edges. Why did I have a can of Beanee Weenees on displayed so prominently in my childhood room? I know there was some deep, significant lore behind it, but try as I might I just can’t remember where it originated anymore. While high school experiences are starting to get hazy, it’s incredible how a song like Teardrops on My Guitar can transport you back to the feelings that were unique to the high school experience. 

I don’t know why but high school crushes and love feels so different than any other time. It likely comes down to the experience and perspectives we get through living life as well as the brain development that happens as we grow older. This young love though, it’s a lot, and also a lot of fun. Taking a trip down memory lane by listening to this song is a good adventure to experience every once in a while.

This song is filled with drama in the best way. “I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night?” “Can he tell that I can’t breathe?” “The only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart.” The first loves can be all consuming. If your experience is like mine they can also be short lived. One week it’s Drew, but then it’s Ben followed by Otis, then we will circle back to Drew because we love him, that is until we sit next to Sam in class and then it’s all about him. Yet with each of the twists and turns from person to person, it doesn’t matter. We’ll journal that night about how Ben is out and Otis is in, even though just last week Ben was the only thing that kept me “wishing on a wishing star.”

In some ways I miss this part of myself. The all in version of myself that loved so wholeheartedly and bounced back when things weren’t looking like they were going my way. It was a version of me that was always hopeful and excited. Could he be the one? And when he wasn’t, no problem because someone new was sure to pop into my orbit and become the all encompassing potential love of my life. 

While life has left me feeling less optimistic than I was at 17, I still appreciate that I can listen to this song any time, and take a moment to transport back to that wild longing mixed with moments of hope. The time when I would “laugh because he’s just so funny” and despair because “I’m needing everything that we should be.”
I appreciate that I can listen to this song any time and take a moment to transport back to that wild longing mixed with moments of hope.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.2 | Picture to Burn

to Read (
Words)
There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge.
My favorite part of this song is that no questions are asked. Taylor makes declaration after declaration about this person who so obviously wronged her. There is no space for excuses, no self blame. She stands on business that this relationship was horrible because this person was horrible and she is not going to give it any more time, or any benefit of the doubt. It’s a perfect example of knowing what you have witnessed and not trying to gaslight yourself into seeing it any different than it was. 

I have felt (because I have been taught) that women are suppose to hold grace for the people around them. Ideas like "nobody’s perfect" or "who among us hasn’t made mistakes" have been weaponized against us to accept behavior that is more than just simply being human. Yeah those trite sayings are true technically, but they should never excuse physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse and all the turmoil that comes with it. 

While I likely yelled this song at the top of my lungs in high school while dancing around my room over a crush who didn’t say hi to me when passing me in the halls, my adult self feels even more empowered by this song. Giving space and grace to people who apologize for their small human errors will always be a part of my personality. Excusing horrible people who use their power or position to do horrible things, especially to the most vulnerable populations, is never okay, full stop.

We could all be inspired by Taylors 16 year old words. Let’s strike a match on any time we wasted giving to these people and move on to the people who care. And if you need a moment to sit around and plan your revenge, that’s a good first step. Letting grief move through you is healthier than stopping to or hiding it away, it will always come back screaming until you acknowledge it. So for now let things burn burn burn, and soon enough the pain will fade leaving room for something better to come along.

Let's strike a match on any time we wasted giving to these people and move on to people who care.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.1 | Tim McGraw

to Read (
Words)

I hope you think of me.

While most songs from the Debut album take me back to the teenage angst and feelings of longing that are unique to the high school experience, Tim McGraw withstands the test of time and seems just as relevant to Mallory at age 33 as it was to Mallory at age 16. I relate to the themes of Tim McGraw now as much as I ever did. For me it really captures the human need to mean something to the people that come in and out of our lives. Each phase of life brings in new people and the transitions between phases can mean people who meant a lot to us at one point are gone. A childhood best friend, a first love, a college roommate, these are the people we share BFF bracelets with, risk everything to hold hands with, stay up til midnight sharing stories and secrets and laughter with. Because of time and space these relationships can fade until one day you realize they are so far in the past, and potentially gone forever. All these people who were so important to a developmental stage of your life become people you realize you may never see or talk to again. Even if you did connect now, could it be in the same way as it was before? The relationships that we had were so specific to where we were, and as time marches on we cannot return to what was. Sometimes that makes me feel so sad.

Yet Tim McGraw holds a bit of optimism for me. In this song I find that what is gone in reality still exists in my memory. Over and over we hear the phrase “When you think (fill in the blank)… I hope you think…” One specific example is “When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think my favorite song. Someday you’ll turn your radio on, I hope it takes you back to that place.” This idea has me believing that on some typical Tuesday night and old friend might be out there living life, when something out of the blue jogs a memory of me. I do hope that people that have impacted me in positive ways were also impacted by me in positive ways. I hope my memory makes them smile for a moment before they return to their regularly scheduled lives. I guess it is just nice to believe that my existence in someone else’s life was meaningful. I hope that our connection transcends the time and space that has since separated us.


It's nice to believe that my existence in someone else's life was meaningful. I hope that our connection transcends the time and space that has since separated us.

I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights. 

Mallory Hazel
0 Comments
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