1.8 | Stay Beautiful

to Read (
Words)
If you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I'lll never get to hold.
About a year ago I was rummaging through a box I have of whatever my mom saved from my childhood room. What was left of my childhood were a few random trinkets, some photo/year books, letters I had saved, and a big stack of journals. I loved journaling when I was a teen. I think one year my New Year’s resolution was to write a journal entry every day of the year, and if my memory is correct I think I actually accomplished that goal. I pulled out my high school journals 15 years later and decided it would be fun to read through the details of my formative years. I thought it would refresh my memory on all the silly and fun times I had, and be a light trip down memory lane. The reality was that it was the story of a girl fully immersed in religious beliefs that the adult version of me had left behind long ago and a bunch of stories that were never finished. While the religious upbringing is sure to be covered in other songs, my focus today is on the stories that were never finished.

Stay beautiful is a light-hearted country song about a teenage relationship in bloom. The potential exists for something more, but the growing up years between the present and that potential being realized will determine whether these young people will be endgame. And yet the narrator takes a realistic view and realizes that while she might not end up with Cory in the end, she still wishes him well on his life journey. 

She writes “if you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I’ll never get to hold…” That line sent me back to reading my journals and feeling like so many friendships are stories in my life that got cut short. I remember writing best friend forever notes and listening to the “Graduation (Friends Forever)” song by Vitamin C. I guess I just assumed that time and space wouldn’t keep me from my besties and so I never realized that the last time we talked was the last time we talked. I thought there would be more time, chance encounters in our hometown when we all gathered over break, social media would keep us together right? In some ways yes, but never in the same ways. My hope that our stories would continue was simply never realized. Some untold stories feel more painful to me than others. I see the moments where a different choice could have changed the outcome. 

In the end though I still created a beautiful life. I also gave myself some space to mourn the losses of the stories that ended so abruptly. And I love the perspective given in this song “…at least you’ll know, you’re beautiful, every little piece love, don’t you know you’re really gonna be someone.” Even though my story with these beautiful people got cut short, I can still find joy in seeing the successes they have created in the story they live. 
And when you find everything you looked for, I hope your life leads you back to my door.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.7 | Tied Together With a Smile

to Read (
Words)
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty but that's not true, cause I know you.
Part 1 - I have a confession to make. When I was a little girl I had an aunt who had deep crow’s feet wrinkles that would emerge whenever she would laugh or smile. She also had a great smile. I took note of this as a little girl and couldn’t wait until I had the lines when I smiled like my beautiful aunt. Well I just looked up crows feet wrinkles to make sure I had the right terminology for this post and the top posts have titles such as “Crow’s Feet :What it is, Botox, Treatment & Prevention” or “ How to Get Rid or Crow’s Feet: Reducing Eye Wrinkles, Cover-Up and More.” Now if I were going to write a post about Crow’s Feet I might title it “Crow’s Feet : How the Little Lines Signal a Life of Joy and Laughter.” That is simply how I thought about it as a little girl. 

While I don’t particularly care what people want to do to feel beautiful, I do think it is interesting that something I saw beauty in as a child has a whole industry associated with the removal of. In the opening of this song is the line “you walk around here thinking you’re not pretty, but that’s not true, cause I know you.” The beauty of those "crow's feet" lines came from knowing the joy of my aunt. She shared that joy through laughter and smiles and the lines that her joy produced were simply a beautiful byproduct of joy. And I loved them. I’m not sure if my aunt loved them though, I’ve never asked or brought it up. What if she was putting on cream that night to treat or prevent the lines I saw as beautiful. And you know what fair enough if she wanted to do that for herself, but I just want to point out that things we are told are not beautiful or that we might see as not beautiful, might be very beautiful to the people who know us. 
You cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one.
Part 2 - I grew up feeling like I needed to be a golden child. My religious scrupulosity probably fanned the flames of feeling like I needed to achieve some sort of perfection. That along with being praised for my perfect grades or being told I was so smart, altogether it created a spiral of needing to feel golden. So I relate deeply to the lyric “you cry, but you don’t tell anyone, that you might not be the golden one.” For so long it was at least somewhat important for me to at least appear as the golden one, but I held a lot of internal stress about keeping up that appearance. I got a 4.0 GPA in high school and graduated college with a single A- which made my GPA like 3.97 or something like that. I needed those scores to appear golden, but in the background I never risked taking a class that was too challenging for fear that I might fail (in my case get lower than an A). I missed so much experimentation and risk to hold it all together. I look back on that girl and simply give her a hug. She was simply doing her best, but if I could give her some advice I would say take more risks and fail more. It’s going to be okay. 

My daughter just came home with her report card a few days ago and ended up with her first B. She said "look mom I’m doing so good. I’m either excellent or above average in every class." I think it healed a part of me and is definitely the attitude I want to foster for her. 
Love was all you wanted.
Part 3 - It turns out “love was all you wanted.” Love is what we want and when we lack the feelings of love for ourselves or from the outside world we can feel like we are coming undone. But if you are in that place it can be helpful to hold on, take a step back, reevaluate and look at it from afar. Maybe the love we want is right around us or inside us. Can we love ourselves more. Can we call a friend and be vulnerable and ask for the love we need. It’s okay to reach out and at least find someone to come undone with together. I know when I do that for myself, it helps.
Maybe the love we want is right around us or inside of us.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.6 | The Outside

to Read (
Words)
You saw me there, but never knew that I would give it all up to be a part of this, a part of you.
At the heart of this song I find a girl who just wants to be seen, invited into a community, taken in for who she is, but feels alone and overlooked. As someone who has always struggled with finding community and friends I feel so jealous of the people who can walk into a new situation and feel comfortable, share their feelings, make themselves known and heard. I try to hype myself whenever I’m in a new circumstance meeting new people. I think to myself no one knows you are introverted or a bit shy, you can just walk in a feign confidence and no one would have a clue. I think about what I’m going to say and how I am going to be bold. And then I step in and I realize I am simply a quiet person, who thrives when invited to share but just simply struggles to show up alone. 

Even creating this online platform feels so scary to me. I’m putting out my writing but what if it falls flat and just becomes another lonely place for me. I want so badly to find a community of people that share interests and are willing to help each other, but the fear of not being accepted, and the feelings of not having found that type of community for a long time are real. 

But then I just keep thinking about how lots of people feel lonely. Lots of people want community that they don’t already have. And if it’s something I lack, maybe it’s something I can try to build. As much as I want other people to reach out to me and help me exactly as I need it, there is also a part of me that hopes that I have enough of the gifts or talents or audacity or whatever it takes to make a space where people can feel less lonely and can be invited in. I don’t want to look back and know I could have done something to help if I had wanted to and I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t notice others until it’s too late to do anything. 

So while right now this is just a blog where we can share our thoughts about songs Taylor Swift has written, there are dreams of having it be a digital space of connection and community. People with similar interests finding other people and not feeling so alone. And if that is a community you want to be a part of, I hope you will stick around. Come by every so often and share your experiences and feelings and thoughts. This is your invitation, we need your voice here to be a strong and active community. Make this a place where people don’t feel on the outside anymore.
This is your invitation, we need your voice here to be a strong and active community. Make this a place where people don't feel on the outside anymore.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
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1.5 | Cold As You

to Read (
Words)
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
For me this is a song about experiencing deep grief, a song I still need to this day. Grief often accompanies loss, and there are many ways to lose something. For me this song highlights the grief felt with the loss of what you believed to be true. It seems like there was a relationship that came into her life and that she had an idea of what the relationship was. Someone showed up and gave her love or kindness and she reciprocated it back. It felt safe and had potential until the mask came off and she realized the relationship was just someone who wanted to take advantage of her. Thinking you have a friend for them only to be someone who was using you is a devastating loss. You were living in a perfect day only to realize that at the end it would turn rainy and gray.

I think she captures this loss so beautifully. I have felt anger that leads to a desire to start a fight just because I need to feel something. It absolutely feels condescending for someone to fake a smile after betraying a friendship that was real to me and only just learned that it was one sided. I have sat in rumination counting all the scars you made. 

I’ve never been anywhere cold as you is such a thoughtful and healthy recognition in the end. It cuts to the core but is also so honest and real that it is simply just a statement. It is easier to move on from a conclusion than it is to move on from wondering. Being wishy washy is confusing. Are you good? Are you bad? Are you mean? Are you kind? Likely the answer is yes. And what do you do with a person like that in your life? Give them grace, hope they change, continue to give yourself to them. Maybe yes maybe no? But by declaring that being with someone is simply cold, you can leave. They can simply be a place that does not provide a safe landing for you and nothing else really matters. Leave them with their story of a mess of a dreamer with a nerve to adore you, but don’t stop being the dreamer.  
I've never been anywhere cold as you is such a thoughtful and healthy recognition in the end. Some people simply do not provide a safe landing place for you and nothing else really matters.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
Mallory Hazel
0 Comments
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